Fifth Edition: Coping with Pain…Part 2
First off, let me start by saying that it is very difficult to write this post. Why? I guess because it’s an extremely late post for one. Also, because I don’t like talking about being in pain and this post is mainly going to be about that. I feel like I am about to get ready to whine, so please, be forewarned…Lol.
We left off here:
“Now that I am ready and prepped, the first part of the procedure is needles. The doctor injects some local anesthetic on the right side of my neck. Then he puts these long needles inside my neck to connect to the nerves that he is getting ready to kill.”
To feel a needle touch the root of your nerve, of your pain receptor, the one that is sending the signal to your brain saying, “Look, you have a herniated disk here and your other disks are squished, some pinched nerves over there, some bone spurs rubbing up against each other, some degenerative arthritis throughout your body and spine…and some other issues, I just thought I’d let you know ,” to have something touch or aggravate that same root in your body…well, I can only say I have never felt that feeling before. It was like the doctor was in control of my body and mind and I had no control. At the same time, I had to stay still, which was nearly impossible. The weird part is when he started to apply heat to burn the nerve, it didn’t hurt! I felt a little sensation, but that’s about it. Little did I know, I would feel it later on.
Before the procedure, because of the way my neck is (all messed up), I couldn’t lay on my back because I would get this eerie sensation that would go from the middle of my neck to the top of my head. It felt like what Epilepsy looks like when they show the MRI’s and evidence of brain activity. You can see the electricity in the brain, like lightning bolts. That’s what I was feeling. So, not being able to lay on my back was messing up my back even more than it was already.
After the procedure, I felt that sensation 24/7. It was crazy. During this time, I wrote a post called, “My hair hurts.” You should take a look at it. Anyway, the doctor said it would take two weeks, sometimes longer for the nerve to fully burn all the way down. He said the pain I was experiencing was the burning.
He was right. The pain slowly calmed itself, but never went away. My neck is even more sensitive when I lay on my back, and sometimes when I am just sitting down. But, the pain I had in my lower neck and in between my shoulder blades disappeared.
During this time, I grew so close to God. I read my bible and prayed and prayed and prayed. I prayed without even realizing I was praying. I praised God through song and painting. I praised him through poetry and blogging. I knew that this was nothing compared to what I deserved as a sinner. There are so many people who say, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” There’s a simple answer for that question. There are no good people. We are born in sin as sinners. We aren’t taught how to sin, we are taught how not to sin. I knew that no matter how bad it got, no matter how bad it is now, I have God right here to talk to. And He’s the only one that can truly know and feel what I feel. That’s the beauty of it. Through my worst pain, I would say to myself, “This is happening for a reason.” There were times where I wanted to question God, but I dare not. I knew that I had to be patient and trust him enough to know that the creator of this world, the one who created me knew what He was doing with my life. Now, I’m not going to lie to you and say it was easy and I didn’t shed a tear. But you know what? In due time, he did reveal the reason why I was going through all this pain, but that is for another post.
Now, here’s my theory:
My doctor did all four levels, levels c-1 through c-4 of my spine, and I think that maybe he didn’t have to do the first two levels. That’s my theory.
Of course there’s more to my disabilities and with God’s help, I will be able to post about them, one by one. But for now, I am just thankful that I was able to finish this post.
‘Till Next Time…