Quietly Creeping

When you creep in…

Slowly, I try to look away

As if my eyes didn’t notice;

As if my thoughts ran away.

To ignore must be an ancient power;

One I cannot obtain.

I try to keep silent

as you creep closer towards me

I can almost hear your presence,

as if the floorboards gave you away.

But that wasn’t it at all.

I continued to look away.

But you didn’t care.

You still crept in.

Closer you came.

I can feel you on my skin.

But, still, I can try,

with all my will,

try to deny,

your presence still

But as you crept closer,

my eyes so tightly shut,

that tear ducts escape the corners

and my heart began to thump.

I no longer can deny;

I know you’re right behind me.

If I don’t turn around,

I know you’ll eventually grab me.

Being no longer myself,

but someone who has courage,

I turn around, not slowly,

but like a tornado that’s angry.

And in front of me lies a mirror.

Though it is dark, I can still see

my reflection, so pitiful.

Is that really me?

What was I so afraid of?

Why did I shy away?

For what was creeping closer

was just my reflection anyway.

But I looked closer

and I saw secret things;

Things I didn’t like seeing…

Is that really me?

I saw how I was influenced as a child

by the popular kids in school.

I saw how I was put down

by my parents when they were in a bad mood.

I saw all the television shows

I’ve watched throughout my life.

I saw all the clothes I wore;

Those pants, were they that tight?

I heard remarks from men and women;

Remarks that made me cry.

I saw those same men and women

come say to me, “Hi” and “Bye.”

The closer I looked at my reflection,

I realized why I was afraid;

I didn’t realize it was me

from very far, far away.

I didn’t want to face myself.

I thought to ignore was an ancient power.

but throughout my whole life,

this powerful talent to ignore grew stronger.

So strong that I don’t even recognize myself

from far, far away.

but now that I’m face to face with myself,

I cannot look away.

I cannot look away.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”  Romans 12:2